Hello. My name is Slurper.

Remember back in high school when somebody would say "you suck," this would set into action a long battle of dirty verb bashing and each comeback would be more vulgar than the last?

A: You suck!
B: You slurp!
A: You swallow!
B: You regurgitate!
A: You suck, then slurp, then swallow, then regurgitate- You get the picture, right?

Everyone always wanted the last word in these battles. If you had no comebacks left, it was almost as if this confirmed the truth behind your opponent's insult.

As I ate lunch with my fellow teachers today,  I was reminded of the dirty verb bashing from my adolescent past. For the first few minutes, everyone was silent as they ate a few mouthfuls of kimchi. Then, the silence was broken. SLURP! SLURP! SLURP! It was a chain reaction after that initial slurp. I looked around me and every teacher was slurping up their noodles in broth. I was sitting amongst a group of human noodle vacuums. I remember shuddering. That wasn't the worst part though. It suddenly dawned on me that I was participating in the slurp-age!!!

I have never been a fan of eating sound effects. I fight back vomit when I watch those commercials that show a person biting into a crunchy chocolate bar or when I'm sitting in a restaurant and the person at the table next to me is chewing his food in a way that makes a loud slapping noise (I have a friend who named this noise, "jap jap"). However, being in Korea for 6 months has transformed me into a slurper! I'm not sure when or how this happened but the fact remains that I slurp now.

I suppose that any future dirty verb bashing that I engage in won't go very far.

Me: You suck!
Opponent: You slurp!
Me: I do...you win :(

Then, I will hang my head in shame.

3 Strikes

First, the local fruit vendor decides that instead of selling me half a bunch of bananas as he has done for the past 6 months, he will only give be a full bunch. Despite my frantic gesturing and pleading, he gestures back that I must buy the whole bunch. It's either all 13 bananas in the bunch or nothing at all! I'll take nothing at all. It's better than ending up with black mushy bananas by the end of the week when I can't finish the whole bunch.

Then, Home Plus has no whole wheat bread in stock AGAIN. That's the second week in a row that I walked all the way there only to be met with dissappointment and frustration. What does a girl have to do to get some nutritious bread?!  I ask a store clerk for the bread in case there is some in the back. Her response: "bread opsoyo." Get it together HP! I end up buying a small bunch of 6 bananas while I'm there (take that fruit man!). The cashier cheerfully greets me. She gets no reply from me. After returning my change, she smiles and thanks me in Korean. Usually, I smile back and say goodbye in Korean. Not today. Bite me, Home Plus.

Next, I'm walking home. The sidewalk is crowded today. Probably because the temperature is pretty mild. The woman in front of me keeps slowing down every few seconds to look at what the ajumas are selling. Lady, if you want to shop, step to the side; don't stand in the middle of the sidewalk! I try to go around her but there are several ajumas blocking my way. The woman slows down again. This time, she comes to a full stop. I say excuse me as she's blocking my way. She doesn't move. I say shillai-hamnida this time. Instead of getting out of the way, she looks up at me and she's so consumed by my non-Korean face that she just stands there staring at me and still blocking my way. I'm not in the mood to entertain her wide-eyed look. I use both of my hands to push through and make a path for myself. In my head, I hear Ludacris singing, "Move b****, get out the way!"

You have 3 stikes today, Korea. Not cool.

A Love That Nobody Understands

Mondays are no fun. Today is Monday. This morning was not fun.

After I finally forced myself out of my cozy bed, I performed my morning ritual of cranking up the temperature for my ondol (underfloor heating), throwing on my favourite blue robe and standing in the bathroom with my eyes closed while fighting every urge to run back to bed. Despite my disoriented state, I noticed that hardly any sunlight was streaming through my frosted and translucent windows. Suddenly, I heard a disheartening sound through my poorly insulated windows. It was the sound of a car driving through something wet. I automatically cursed out loud. "More rain?!" I thought. In the past week, it had rained about 4 times! I opened my kitchen window to see how much rain was coming down. Upon seeing the scene that was unfolding outside my window, a huge smile took over my face. It was snowing! Snoooooooooooowing! I hadn't seen snow like that since my last winter in Canada. Busan has the mildest winters compared to the rest of Korea, thus snowfalls are extremely rare in the city that I live in. Low and behold, it was snowing today!! There was a blanket of the white fluff over everything in sight! Cars, motorcycles, trees, streets, buildings, garbage cans, mailboxes; everything was covered!

One doesn't have to know me well to be aware of my everlasting and unconditional love for snow. I, Amarta Saini-born and raised in Canada, land of the unrelenting cold- LOVE the tiny white ice crystals known as "snow!" I consider myself to be a deeply nostalgic person. When it snows, I'm reminded of the warm and carefree feeling that defined the happy times of my childhood. If you could peer into my mind, the mention of "snow" would evoke memorable images of grade 4 snow fort battles during recess; disproportionate snowmen built by my brothers and me; "skating" with my friends on the make-shift ice rink behind my elementary school; shoveling the driveway alongside my father, even though I wasn't much help; my mom setting steaming mugs of hot chocolate before my brothers and me; snowflakes falling gracefully to the already covered ground and being illuminated by the street lights at night, while I watch from the large window in my computer room. Almost everyone I know cannot understand my irrational love for snow. I don't expect them to.

Getting back to the snow in Busan, as I walked to school in the snow today, I felt more out of place than usual, if that's even possible. I was the only person on the street without an open umbrella as protection from the falling snow. Unheard of back home! Next, I was decked out in a toque, mittens, a scarf, a winter jacket and boots. Meanwhile, I came across kids wearing sweaters with bubble vests. No mittens! No hat! NOTHING! It was one of those "Toto, I have a feeling we're not in Kansas any more" moments. One of the school caretakers was even wearing a straw hat while he shoveled the walkway. Furthermore, the heavy snow was apparently not significant enough for the Korean women to trade in their stylish shoes for footwear more suitable to the wet weather. On the way to the beach after school (I couldn't resist going even though it was snowing!), I saw countless women trudging slowly through the snow in their super high stiletto heels while their men obediently held their luxuriously large purses.  Finally, in Canada, I'm accustomed to using shovels to remove snow. Today, I learned that citizens of Busan use brooms to clear pathways of snow...interesting. This country never fails to amaze me!

I wish the snow outside would last for at least one more day but I'm glad I got to experience at least a little bit of home from all the way over here in Busan. I was in a good mood all day!

Mondays are no fun. Today is Monday. Today shouldn't have been fun but it was thanks to the snow! :)

Gwangalli Beach 

Straw hat in the snow. Because Korea... 

Umbrellas in snow! 

Students playing in the school yard.

Korean Happy Meals

I'm sitting in a tiny but cozy Korean diner that I have come to fondly refer to as "The Orange Place" or "Kimbap Heaven." Little diners exactly like this one operate all across Korea, 24 hours a day and 7 days a week. Whenever I'm unsure of what to eat or I just need a quick and cheap meal, I find myself standing in front of the familiar orange sign. I'm lucky because there are two of these diners in the block where I live!

Every "Kimbap Heaven" shares almost identical menus consisting of traditional Korean dishes, ranging between 1,000 won (for one of my favourites, Wonjo Kimbap; look below for a picture) and 5,000 won. Along with every order, one can expect complimentary side dishes such as the famous (or infamous, depending on who you talk to) kimchi (fermented spicy cabbage), sauteed mushrooms, soybean soup or something else.

I see the same four ladies working at this location. I secretly think that they live in the diner because they are ALWAYS working. Three of them seem to be in their 40s while the third woman appears to be pushing her late 50s. The old lady is my favourite because she's always smiling and super energetic. She served me my first order of kimbap when I was still settling into my new life in Busan in September 2010. I remember being terrified at the thought of surviving on my own in such an intensely foreign land but somehow this lady eased my nerves just by casting me a warm and knowingly smile when I pointed to the picture of what look liked sushi- little did I know, this seaweed wrapped roll was actually kimbap!.

In the beginning, I would just order kimbap and take it home. Eventually, I learned how to order other foods with the help of my pre-beginner Korean classes (yup, PRE-begginner exists) and a translated version of the menu that a new friend gave me. If anyone has witnessed the progress of my Korean education, it's the group of ladies at "Kimbap Heaven." The diner is where I experiment with the new Korean words I come across. It is where I practice the hangul alphabet by reading the Korean menu over and over again. It's where I see culture-specific body language and try to make sense of it. "Kimbap School of Korea" is what they should call the diner.

Not only have I learned a lot from eating at this diner but it is probably the first place I felt comfortable enough to eat alone. Now, I have no problem walking in with a good book or a playlist of songs on my MP3 and sitting down all by my lonesome for a delicious meal. This sounds insignificant but it's huge for me!

Today I decided on something other than my usual order of Dolsot Bimimbap (Rice covered with a variety of sauteed veggies, a raw egg, and red chilli pepper paste. It is served in a sizzling hot stone bowl which cooks the raw egg and makes everything nice and crispy; look for its picture below). There are some items on the menu that I don't think I'll ever be brave enough to try. A few such dishes are Sonaejang Tang (soup made with Cow’s intestines), and Dasolgi Haejangguk (hangover soup, usually made with ox bones and soybean paste. Featuring fresh water snails. Sometimes made with ox blood). I just barfed a little in my mouth. No offense Korea.

Anyways, I'm about to enjoy the bubbling Sundubu Jigae that has been placed before me so that's the end of this blog. I've also attached a copy of the translated menu. Check it out and maybe you'll find something that you'd like to order at your nearest Korean restaurant!

DOLSOT BIMIMBAP

WONJO KIMBAP

TRANSLATED MENU:

김밥류, Kimbap Ryu, Kimbap selections

1. 원조 김밥, Wonjo Kimbap, Dollar Kimbap, 1,000 won: The most basic of Kimbap, fillings include damuji (a yellow pickled sweet radish), processed ham, carrots, some green, maybe spinach, and cooked egg.

2. 야채 김밥, Yachae Kimbap, Vegetable Kimbap, 2,000 won: Filled with various veggies including carrots and spinach. Little variation from Won-jo Kimbap.

3. 김치 김밥, Kimchi Kimbap, 2,000 won: Standard kimbap fillings (ham, eggs, carrots, radish) with a healthy dose of kimchi.

4. 계란말이 김밥, Kaeranmal Kimbap, Egg wrapped Kimbap 2,500 won: Standard fillings. The kimbap is rolled in a thin omelet, then sliced.

5. 치즈 김밥, Cheese Kimbap, 2,500 won: Standard kimbap fillings including a slice of processed cheese.

8. 참치 김밥, Chamchi Kimbap, Tuna filled kimbap, 2,500won: Standard kimbap fillings including tuna, gagnib (sesame leaf), and mayonnaise.*

9. 소고기 김밥, Sogogi Kimbap, Beef filled kimbap, 2,500won: Standard kimbap fillings including beef.

10. 누드 김밥, Nude Kimbap, 2,500won: Standard kimbap fillings, like an inside out roll, with the seaweed on the inside and rice on the outside

12. 유부초밥, Youbu chobap, 3,000won: Like inari sushi. Some places heavily season the rice with vinegar.*

식사류, Shik Sa Ryu, Meal selections

13. 김치 덮밥, Kimchi dapbap, 3,500 won: Kimchi mixed rice.

14. 오징어 덮밥, Ojinga dapbap, 3,500 won: Spicy squid, carrot onion mélange served either atop, or next to a healthy serving of sticky rice.

15. 제육덮밥, Jaeyuk dapbap, 4,000 won: Stir fried pork, carrots, squash, and onions in spicy sauce served aside a plentiful helping of rice.*

16. 카레덮밥, Karae dapbap, 3,500 won: Rice topped with curry sauce, diced potatoes, carrots, and mystery meat.

17. 순두부 찌개, Sundubu Jjigae, 3,500 won: Sometimes fiery bubbling cauldron of soft tofu, freshly cracked egg (don’t stir if you’d like it hard boiled), chili peppers, inoki mushrooms, a couple clams, onions and deunjang (Korean miso) paste. Served with the ubiquitous fire retardant sticky rice.*

18. 김치 찌개, Kimchi Jjigae, 3,500 won: Always fiery bubbling cauldron of kimchi, plenty of chili powder and raw chilies, onions and the odd mushroom in a pork broth. Served with the ubiquitous fire retardant sticky rice.*

19. 참치 김치 찌개, Kimchi Chamchi Jjigae, 4,000 won: See above with tinned tuna.

20. 된장 찌개Dwen-jang Jjigae, 3,500 won: Sometimes slightly spicy bubbling cauldron of dwen-jeong paste, inoki mushrooms, onions, clams and the odd cube of tofu. Korea’s answer chicken noodle soup. Served with the ubiquitous fire retardant sticky rice.

21. 갈비 탕, Galbi tang, 4,000 won: Short rib soup with garlic and green onion.

22. 소내장 탕, Sonaejang tang, 4,000 won: Soup made with Cow’s intestines.

23. 육개장, Yuk Jae Jang, 4,000 won: Beef and green onion soup in a fiery chili pepper broth.

24. 다슬기 해장국, Dasolgi haejangguk, 4,000 won: Hangover soup, usually made with ox bones and soybean paste. Featuring fresh water snails. Sometimes made with ox blood.

25. 우거지 해장국, Woogeogi haejangguk, 4,000 won: Hangover soup, usually made with ox bones and soybean paste. Featuring, as I understand it, shredded dried cabbage leaves. Sometimes made with ox blood.

26. 비빔밥, Bibimbap, 3,500 won: A staple. Rice in a silver bowl covered with various veg and gochujang (red chili paste). Carrots, mountain weeds, cucumbers, sprouts, etc.

27. 돌솥 비빔밥, Dolsot bibimbap, 4,000 won: See above served in a hot stone bowl and topped with a (usually) fried egg.*

28. 양푼 비빔밥, Yangpoon bibimbap, 4,000 won: Bibimbap served in a large metal bowl, usually serves two people.

29. 돈까스, Donkkasu, 4,000 won: A pork cutlet coated in egg and dredged in crunchy panko breadcrumbs and deep-fried. Usually served with a nest of shredded cabbage and rice.

30. 치즈 돈까스, Cheese donkkasu, 4,500 won: A pork cutlet graced with a slice of processed cheese, battered and coated in crunchy panko bread crumbs and fried.

31. 생선 까스, Sang sun kkasu, 4,000 won: Breaded and fried fish.

32. 오므라이스, Omu-ra-ee-su 3,500 won: Fried rice usually containing ham, carrots, Asian melon (zucchini-like) and a few peas for color wrapped in a thin omelet and smothered in ketchup. Good morning Korea!

33. 뚝배기 불고기, Ddokbaegi bulgogi 4,000 won: The king of protein at the diner. Stewing bulgogi meat amidst sweet potato (glass) noodles in a peppery savory broth. Served with sticky rice.*

34. 김치 고등어 뚝배기, Kimchi godeunga ddokbaegi, 4,000 won:

35. 짜장 덮밥, Jjajang dapbap, 3,000 won: Rice topped off with the sweet black bean sauce, jjajang.

36. 철판 치즈 덮밥, Chulpan chiju dupbap, 4,000 won: Fried rice topped with cheese, or chee ju, on a hot plate.

37. 철판 불고기 덮밥, Chulpan bulgogi dupbap, 4,000 won: Marinated beef atop rice on a hot plate.

38. 철판 김치 볶음밥, Chulpan kimchi bokkum bap, 4,000 won: Kimchi fried rice with peas, carrots and ham served on a hot fajita like plate.

39. 철판 새우 볶음밥, Chulpan saewoo bokkum bap, 4,000 won: Shrimp fried rice with diced carrots and peas served on a hot fajita like plate

40. 공기밥, Gong gi bap, 1,000 won: Plain white sticky rice

41. 호박 죽, Hobak Juk, 3,500 won: Thick pumpkin like porridge.

42. 단팥 죽, Danpat Juk, 3,500 won: A thick red bean porridge.

43. 소고기 야채 죽, Sogogi yache Juk, 4,000 won: Thick rice porridge with meat and various veggies.

44. 전복 죽, Junbok Juk, 5,000 won: Abalone and rice porridge.

분식류, Boon Shik Ryu, Foods made from flour ie noodles, dumplings, etc.

45. 떡볶이, Ddokboggie, 2,000 won: The street snack with chairs. Simmered rice cake (log form) swim in a sea of spicy pepper sauce augmented with odang (processed fish), cabbage, carrots, onions and leeks.

46. 라볶이, Raboggie, 2,500 won: See above and add Ramyeon noodles. Bonus!

47. 치즈떡볶이, Cheese ddokboggie, 2,500 won: See Ddokboggie, add cheese. Bonus!

48. 치즈 라볶이, Cheese raboggie, 3,000 won: See Raboggie and add cheese. Double Bonus!*

49. 김치 만두, Kimchi Mandu, 2,000 won: Steamed kimchi, pork, noodle, leek, onion and chili-filled dumplings. Comes with a small side of soy sauce.*

50. 고기 만두, Gogimandu, 2,000 won: Meat, noodle, leek, onion and chili-filled dumplings. Comes with a small side of soy sauce.

51. 물 만두, Mulmandu, 2,500 won: Small dumplings filled with meat and green onions, served in a pond of steaming liquid. Comes with a small side of soy sauce.*

52. 떡만두 국, Ddok mandu guk, 3,500 won: Sliced rice cakes, meat dumplings, egg, sliced green onion, melon (zucchini-like), and other veggies in a broth.*

53. 떡국, Ddokguk, 3,000 won: A dish traditionally served on the lunar New Year; sliced rice cakes, meat, and egg in a beef broth.

54. 만두국, Mandu guk, 3,500 won: Dumplings and veggies in broth.

55. 항아리 수제비, Hangari sujaebi, 7,000 won: Sujaebe, a vegetable and dumpling. soup served in a pot. Not sure what the exact difference between this and plain old sujaebe is except this is for two people.

56. 라면, Ramyeon, 2,000 won: Green onions and chili powder take cup of noodles to a new level.

57. 떡라면, Ddok ramyeon, 2,500 won: noodles and green onions with sliced rice cakes.*

58. 치즈 라면, Cheese ramyeon, 2,500 won: noodles and green onions topped with a slice of processed cheese. Sounds ill, but the melted cheese helps tone down the heat of the broth.

59. 만두 라면, Mandu ramyeon, 2,500 won: noodles and green onions with meat dumplings.

60. 짬뽕 라면, Jjam bbong ramyeon, 2,500 won: Ramyeon served in a pot boasting clams, squid, and a few baby shrimp.

61. 바지락 칼국수, Bagirak kalguksu, 3,500 won: Hand cut thick noodles in an anchovy stock with short neck clams.*

62. 쫄면, jjol myeon, 3,000 won: Thick noodles with mixed with spicy sauce and various veggies like bean sprouts, cucumber, carrots and the like.

63. 스파게티, Supagaeti, 4,000 won: Spaghetti

64. 짜장면, Jjajangmyeon, 2,500 won: Wheat noodles topped with a sweet black bean sauce concealing some veggies, carrots, and meat-ham.

65. 나라우동, Nara Udong, 2,500 won: Thick and slippery wheat noodles in a binto (fish) broth with green onion and tofu skins.

66. 김치우동, Kimchi Udong, 3,000 won: Thick and slippery wheat noodles in a binto broth with a heap of kimchi.*

67. 해물 우동, Haemul Udong, 3,000 won: Thick and slippery wheat noodles in a binto broth with various seafood including clams and prawns, maybe a mussel or two.

68. 물냉면, Mul naengmyeon, 3,500 won: A sipcy soup of chewy buckwheat noodles in a cold broth generally topped with sliced cucumbers and a hard-boiled egg.*

69. 비빔 냉면, Bibim naengmyeon, 3,500 won: Thin white noodles and thinly sliced carrots, cabbage and cucumber in a fiery red sauce.

70. 잔치 국수, Janchi guksu, 3,500 won: Known as banquet noodles, or wheat noodles in an anchovy broth topped with sliced egg, meat, mushrooms and other vegetables. Traditionally served at large banquets.71. 비빔국수, Bibim guksu, 3,500 won: Wheat noodles mixed with various sliced veggies and meat in a spicy sauce.*

72. 콩국수, Kong guksu, 3,500 won: Thick wheat noodles in a cold soy milk broth usually topped with sliced cucumbers. Usually eaten in summer.